The Last Days of Sight

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a blue toned clock image, with faded numbers and clock hands

High key, blue toned image of a fading clock. Time concept

Recently I’ve been writing a lot about my latest dip in vision. I’m at the stage now where the little bit of central vision in my right eye has lost its clarity. I no longer have the ability to see the world and those I love clearly. 

Although I know and have met a lot of people who have been through this stage before me and have shown me that sights end is far from the end of me, I feel there’s a need to write about this stage to share with others.  Documenting this part of my progressive sight loss is important as it’s the stage people tend to fear the most.

Having an open honest account of my experiences as I come to terms with adapting to the blur will hopefully give others comfort and reaffirm them that we all can overcome and adapt to any challenges life throws our way. I speak a lot in the various events I do and keynote speeches I give, saying that we spend far too much time worrying about things that haven’t happened instead of focusing on the here and now appreciating what we have and not what we’ve lost.

This is one the most important lessons I’ve learned since being diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, 8 years ago.  Anything I was scared about was nowhere near as scary as I’d perceived.  Whenever my children have worried about doing something for the first time, instead of getting themselves into such a panic that they are in floods of tears, I’ve always told them that it’s never as scary as you think it will be. To take each part of the task on step at a time and that sense of achievement after they have completed whatever it was that got them so worried should be remembered for the next time, they feel the same.  Don’t worry about what hasn’t happen, focus on what is happening. 

Our scars are a reminder of all that we have faced and survived, and that should be enough of a reminder to inspire us when facing our next test. 

This is prevalent in my mind as I face this stage of my sight loss. I look back on all I’ve already faced, lost, and overcome.  It’s clear for me to see that no matter what tomorrow brings I’ve got this. 

Everything I have learned from my mobility skills to my coping mechanisms regarding anxiety and mental health, means that even though I’ll lose my sight to blindness I won’t lose me. 

Fading World

The world I see is fading but I’m not fading from the world, 

Though vision slips won’t lose my grip my fingers tightly curled.

I’ve bowed to the excuses, but the truth is I’m much more, 

than anything that blindness brings no matter what’s in store.

The days depressed and anxious chest still linger with me now, 

I’m soaking in life’s beauty that these eyes and time allow. 

Though I’m not quite there yet as I learn to love this cane,

each day I’ll try as vision dies unfold it once again. 

The days of isolation and the times I felt alone,

seem now a distant memory my confidence has grown.

I’m grateful for my challenges they’ve taught me to believe,

that nothing blindness takes from me can stop what I’ll achieve.